Wednesday, July 4, 2001

now listening: One Sunday - Jimmy Eat World. FINALLY I bought the CD.
Happy Fourth of July! And no, I didn't burn anyth ----- No really. I actually got out of the house today for something other than Basketball. Danielle spent the night, we woke up and went to the Mall. We watched Tomb Raider. It was pretty kick ass. The plot was kinda iffy, but the action made up for it. Man, if I was Lara Croft! Afterwards, we went walking around and I finally bought the Jimmy Eat World CD. Like 2564864684846846 years after it was released! We came home, and just chilled out and then we went over to my uncle's house in Garbage Grove where it's legal to light things up, and watched fire works. And that was all. And tomorrow I'll get around to the new layout I always talk about. Har har har


10:43 p.m.

Monday, July 2, 2001

now listening: What I've Done For Love(sp?)- Sunny Day Real Estate
JelloShotJunkie: If I was a grain of rice,
JelloShotJunkie: I'd throw myself at myself in a wedding.
Mykel Deitz: haha clever
Mykel Deitz: if you were a grain of rice id eat you in my rice bowl.
JelloShotJunkie: HAHA! That's so cute!

Myke, let me count the ways in which I love thee...SWOON!

Um. Yeah, that's all. I'm really boring. If you want me to advertise you or something, I'd do it here. Because let's face it, there is NO CONTENT.


03:08 p.m.

Sunday, July 1, 2001

now listening: Naughty - Skulker
This has by far, been one of the longest weekends ever! And I didn't even do much to make it seem long. Basketball had a tournament, and we were playing two games a day. In between games, we couldn't really go anywhere else. I went shopping for some new duds for the cruise. As stupid as shopping for "cruise" clothes seems, I just can't help myself. I can't help being a girl. I also picked up some books that I needed to read for AP English. And...yeah. That's it.

Can you say, "shallow"?

One of these days, something interesting will happen which will make for great content here.


06:39 p.m.

Thursday, June 28, 2001

now listening: My Happiness - Powder Finger
I can no longer divert your attention by my sometimes thought provoking daily blog entries. Why you ask? There really isn't anything to talk about anymore. Life is dull. Boring for me. So here is a list of a few of my favorite things:
A Few of My Favorite Things
1. Lipglass by Mac
2. Having no basketball practice at 6am.
3. Pigging out because I CAN.
4. Sleep.
5. Junk food. *coincides with no.3*
6. These people; a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h
7. <insert your name here>
8. Rivers Cuomo
9. My Happiness by Powderfinger
10. Supreme Beings of Leisure
11. Money that is solely blown off on food.
12. My thong tanline.
13. polo shirts!
14. Not being infatuated over ANYONE.
15. Really bad day time television.
16. My car
Now, wasn't that boring?

And if you check, I might've changed the webcam pic.


10:08 a.m.

Wednesday, June 27, 2001

now listening: A Plain Morning - Dashboard Confessional. Ahh be still my palpitating heart!
Ok. Apparently, some people find my THONG tanline quite amazing. I was just going to put up a new webcam picture too...but due to popular demand, the thong tan line shall continue to grace the webcam page until I find something kinkier. Gah, I don't get you people. I thought the picture of my chest (hope chest) was sexy enough. Maybe I just shouldn't try to be funny. Then people would find me hilarious. Seriously. But oh well. I wasn't born a comedian.

Dear God. I have nothing interesting to talk about. Boo.Hiss. It's true. I really am a dull person outside of Highschool.

Til something ground breaking occurs in the life that we know as Jinra's....this is adios for now.


03:47 p.m.

Tuesday, June 26, 2001

now listening: Shooting Stars - Ozma
Ok, so I AM A drama queen and my mind was playing tricks on me yesterday. No one was home. But still, I had to return the CDs. I did keep one. Muahaha. God I'm so weird. I think maybe that time of the month is coming soon because of that. *shakes head in dismay* I was semi productive today! I trashed all my old magazines that were rotting and fermenting in the deep abyssmal corners of my room. Then, I VACUUMED MY ROOM! Then...I finished reading Medea by Euripides. Pretty darn good Greek Tragedy if you ask me. Kinda psychotic, but it was good. Not only did I finish reading Medea...but I wrote my 2 page reflection on it!!! And now it's on to reading Pride and Prejudice. Man. I'm proud of myself today. Now if only I could get around to the laundry I have sitting in the laundry room...

Doesn't reading that last paragraph I just wrote, kinda foreshadow the outcome of my summer? Makes ya feel dizzy with excitement inside,huh? *note the sarcasm. On a hilarious note, I learned how to fill my car up with gas....and how to spill it on oneself. And now my hand smells all gas-y.

And for your viewing pleasure, here's a picture of my THONG tan.


07:52 p.m.

Monday, June 25, 2001

now listening: Sweet Avenue - Jets To Brazil
I'm evil. Horrible. Bad. Really bad. I just sent my brother off on his merry way on his bike to fetch some lunch at Taco bell for me. Right after I told him he could go, I just realized; HE COULD GET HURT! I can now sympathize with my mother when she tells him that he can't go. Gah, I'm so stupid. It's scary, I mean what if he hurts himself? Think of all the cars going down Chapman Street at 40 miles per hour!!! What if he brings me back the wrong food?!?!?!(har har har). On top of that, I went to go pick up Sandra's mail this morning... SOMEONE is home. I don't know who, but someone is. My biggest guess is that Tanya is home. SHE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HOME! She's supposed to be home AFTER I returned all the CDs I had cleverly borrowed from her. How the hell am I supposed to lay low and return the CDs so that she wouldn't notice a thing had been done to them? And there's that BIG secret of mine too. Gahh. Guilt trips aren't fun. If only I had had been the good girl that I actually am, and NOT gotten into other people's business. I have a game today too. Freakin'A.

I was thinking also, maybe I shouldn't return the CDs, she has plenty. I can always play it off like I didn't take anything also. Or I could find a point in time during the day when no one is home...Who would suspect me? Ehh why am I fretting? At least I didn't like do something bad like the girls on Maury Povich that steal their sister's boyfriends. But then again, I haven't seen a show topic that was, " I sent my brother off to get me food, when in actuality, it was his death invitation.

Ok I'll just have to stratch that last thought off, he's home. WITH THE RIGHT FOOD!

Maybe I'm just a drama queen.


01:01 p.m.

Sunday, June 24, 2001

now listening: Never The Same - Supreme Beings of Leisure. I finally know the name of this song!
My mom is 52. More men hit on her than they do on me. Attractive physical fitness trainers hit on her. People at work hit on her. RANDOM PEOPLE. I'm 16. That's just WRONG. Those who have seen my mother know what I'm talking about. *puts head down in shame*
Really Hot Physical Trainger Guy: So, hey...would you like to go out sometime?
Mom: Sure!
RHPTG: Alright!
Mom: That is, if you want to take me, my husband and 2 beautiful children along!
RHPTG: Aw. Rejection!
Sadly, we're not talking about old men either. We're talking about young guys. Mr. Hot Physical Trainer guy was 24. My mom is TWICE his age. Although most teenagers complain how embarassing their mothers are, I complain that my mother is just too goddamn gorgeous, which makes her so embarassing to me. It's just wrong. Wrong wrong wrong.

On a more positive note, I have new shoes!


09:18 p.m.

Sunday, June 24, 2001

now listening: Next Time On (?) - Supreme Beings of Leisure
Goddamn. I'm so effin' bored. Nothing to do. I actually have money to. If you want to burn some money and pursue on a thrilling fun-filled adventure with me, then email me.And remember, Jinra heart strangers!


10:24 a.m.

Friday, June 22, 2001

now listening: The Good Fight - Dashboard Confessional. I listen to this song WAY too much. I haven't gotten tired of it. It's always in my head. One of these days, I shall PURCHASE the CD.
I'm such an evil, corrupted child. I'm house sitting for Sandra while her family is away for a week in New Jersey. I went this morning to take in their newspapers,and then suddenly I just HAD to go the bathroom. So I went down the hall to their bathroom and went. While on my way out to the door I had came in, I saw this beautiful shade of purpe eyeshadow resting upon a leather CD Case. Must I always touch what is beautiful? So you know what happens. I touch it. Look at it. Then I pick up the CD Case that belonged to her sister Tanya. Surprisingly, her collection was similar to mine. Our tastes were very similar. Figuring, she'd be gone for awhile, I borrowed some. Not at all satisfied with what I had grabbed, I saw another leather zip up CD case and I picked that up to shuffle through.

Only, it WASN'T a CD Case.I had opened her JOURNAL.

At first I glanced at her writing, not even making out words and admired how the curves and loops of her cursive writing seemed so dramatic. Much like mine. And I did the unthinkable.

I read. And now I feel bad. I probably know more than her family knows. I'm so HORRIBLE.

It's only 1 something here, and I'm really bored. I tried cleaning my room, and I've successfully gotten half of it cleaned by throwing away all my papers from school. I want to go out. My car is looking really tempting. If it were legal for me to, I would drive to Melisa, Elizabeth, and Anthony's house and then go out for a boba or frappucino. Then I would buy all the books I needed to in order to read for AP English the following year. But it's not. So I'll just sit and wait for my mom to arrive and see what she wants to do with me.


01:33 p.m.

Thursday, June 21, 2001

now listening: Country Living - Esthero
SecretAgentDre: Boba and I have some spiritual connection.
JelloShotJunkie: Boba is my religion.
SecretAgentDre: Oooh I know! Instead of worshipping the Bible, we could worship the BOBLE!
JelloShotJunkie: LMAO!!!
For the longest time when I was little, I believed that it was physically possible to FLY. I still can't remember what ever possessed me to think so. One of my leads to this belief was, I watched excessive amounts of TV, preferably Sesame St. to learn English better. I thought Big Bird could stand and walk and move just like a human being, then I could probably fly like a bird. So, holding on to that belief, I would climb up the sofa in the living room. I would stand up on the top of the sofa and take a deep breath and look down as if 2ft was a long long way down. Then I'd find a destination landing spot on the ground. I'd position myself, jump up, flap my arms as insanely and rapidly as I can and just jump. I would get pissed of, and try again. Try try try try try again.

I was so persitent and ambitious back then. I don't know what happened now.

Someone get me out of the house. I have money. Take me somewhere.


10:44 p.m.

Wednesday, June 20, 2001

now listening: Only Superstition- Coldplay


commonpleasure: dear god
commonpleasure: please find us nice decent cute likeable boys to crush on us. love, ann and jinra.
JelloShotJunkie: Dear Ann and Jinra,
JelloShotJunkie: Sorry, won't happen. You'll die virgins. Love- God
commonpleasure: *shakes fist at sky*
commonpleasure: all this god-fearing crap for nothing!
FallnCow: you won't die virgins
FallnCow: you got screwed by god!
JelloShotJunkie: you're hilarious

It never really hit me that it's summer already til today. In class we did nothing, and we were only there til 12:15. I went home with Sandra and Christina, and Anthony came over, and then we went to Melisa's then went to eat at Taco Bell. After that we meandered over to Anthony's house. He showed us around, then his sister asked us to go with her for ice cream, so we walked over to Deidra's and then to Baskin Robbins. I've never done so much walking before...but ehhh it was fun. Tomorrow I might go to Pizza Pete's and then to Dave and Busters and then on Friday we're hitting the beach. Damn I'm such a NORMAL TEENAGER NOW! Things are just peachy. Except for when I lost my yearbook today. I always seem to be losing crap. That's just bad.

But right now I'm just really tired, even after a super caffeine boosted Mocha Frappucino. My body is defying the caffeine. That's never a good thing. Never. Oh and not that you care or anything, but I changed the webcam.


05:17 p.m.

Tuesday, June 19, 2001

now listening: Sleeping To Dream - Jason Mraz
Ok so maybe being full of yourself and overly confident is a bad thing. Why you ask? I might have just probably failed my Spanish, and Math Final. Why wasn't I born a genius god, why? God: Because I said so. But now that the finals are over, I have N O T H I N G to do. I could justify picking my boogers as being productive. Ha! Or I could pick up a book to read. Clean my room. Start the Spork collection that I've boasted about to everyone. I could probably start with the creation of the new site. But oh well. You only get to waste your time only few times in my life, so why not? That's why I love summer. You have so much time to waste, and there is no problem with it because it's SUMMER. Just two more days in school to go.And because there really isn't anything else important or pivotal to ad to the "Jinra Wastes Her Time"Chapter in the Story of My Life other than freaking my mom and dad with my's pick up lines and come backs my buddy sent me. Enjoy!
Male: Haven't I seen you some place before?
Female: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Male: Is this seat empty?
Female: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Male: Your place or mine?
Female: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine
Male: So, what do you do for a living.
Female: I'm a female impersonator
Male: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Male: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Female: Unfertilized.
.Male: Your body's like a temple
Female: Sorry, there are no services today.
.Male: I would go to the end of the world for you
Female: GREAT! Would you mind staying there?
Male: If I saw you naked, I'd die happy
Female: If I saw you naked, I'd die laughing.


06:42 p.m.

Monday, June 18, 2001

now listening: Sweet Avenue - Jets To Brazil
I'm so full of myself. Tomorrow I have 3 finals to take; Math, Spanish, and Drama. I'm so full of myself, that I'm disillusioned by the fact that I could probably pass the finals with an A without the least bit of effort put into it. Only because I've done it before. I mean I passed the Chem Final with an A without studying....I could probably do the same with the latter. But I guess I should touch up on some Spanish.

The Italy presentation went pretty well, considering that Me and Company made fools out of themselves in our interpretation of Pinocchio on tape. Nothing really exciting or ground breaking has been happenning lately now that school is coming to a close for this year. And speaking of which...the seniors went to Six Flags. And I saw Jeremy. But. I didn't really think so much about him today, and I'm getting over him. Slowly but surely. I'll forget about him. I keep telling myself that though. A lot of people notice it, and see that I'm so the opposite. I was talking to my friend Stephanie, and I told her I was getting over him, and then I jumped at the fact that she told me that Jeremy was leaving on Monday for Europe. Well, there goes my plans for dropping in on Sav-Ons next month. But why do I care? My summer will kick so much buttah, that I'll get over him. Fast.

Oh God! I'm so gosh darn cool! My Weezer article is up on I am so freakin' cool and trendy. Who should I write about next?


09:06 p.m.

Sunday, June 17, 2001

now listening: Inhale - Corday. I was in the music video and got the free CD!
By far, today has been pretty long. I woke up, a bit later than usual, at 7am. Sad to say, but yeah that's what I call late. I haven't slept in for a long time in a long while. Sandra, Melisa, and I went to the video shoot of the Inhale music video and PSA commercial. It was quite an experience, yet it was tiring at the same time. There was a lot of waiting around to do, but luckily, I'm patient so it didn't bother me at all. I never realized how technical things are when it comes to filming commercials, and what not. We were just walking around in the commercial/music video like it was a normal school day! And they made it the most hard thing to do!

"Ok, young lady I want you to stand right here. Talk to them, wave, but don't be too loud. When Miss Corday passes by on the moving platform, make sure you're walking fast like you were late for a class and then move behind her. Once you do that, curve around and walk into Room 311. Wait there for 5 seconds. When so and so passes by in the hall, I want you to cross her and go in a separate direction towards the lockers. Then you'll fiddle with the locker, but not actually open it as it would detract some light from the focus. Oh, I hope I"m not freaking you out. You'll be fine.Just act natural...." - is basically what I heard ALL DAY LONG.

I did all that so I could get my 2 nanoseconds of fame on MTV and local TV stations in LA and Orange County. Whoopy. I have to say that I'm satisfied because I got free food, stickers and Corday CDs out of it.

Immediately after I finished the shoot, Melisa and Sandra and I went out to Rubios, went to Anthonys, went to Elizabeth's to film a video for an English Presentation on Italy. It turned out to be really ghetto and cheap looking, but all I gotta say is that, we weren't paid to do it. And now I'm back. And it's midnight. I've lived through a music video/commercial and an English project. Just too too too much to do.

I'm sleepy. Note to self: Mention where Jeremy will be a week from Monday.


12:35 a.m.

Friday, June 15, 2001

listen to: The Good Fight - Dashboard Confessional, It Ain't Over Til It's Over - Lenny Kravitz, Baseball - Ozma, Island In The Sun - WeezerWhat It Feels Like For A Girl - Madonna, The Day You Come - Powderfinger, Is what I listen to over and over and over and over again.
So tired, yet so busy. I'm anticipating my English group to come over so we can "work" on our english project. Honestly, I don't feel like doing any work or anything. I want sleep. Hopefully we'll get through what we need to.

I guess it is true, I'm a closet nerd. I passed by Chemistry finall with an A. 58 points out of 61. 58 effin' points baby. I was shocked when I saw my grade. I never expected to get a high grade. I was aiming for a high C or a low B. I was just in awe of myself. I still can't believe it. Although I'm jumping for joy about it, I have to hold it in because if I tell my typical asian father, he'll go on and on and on and on and on , on how I must pursue Chemistry for a career. Which is what I DON'T WANT TO DO. As good as I am at Chemistry, I HATE IT. With a passion. That was basically the highlight of my day. I feel smart now.

Also, I guess I got a piece of reality. A small minute piece. I got the guts to ask Jeremy to sign my yearbook, and he just signed it apathetically. I asked him to sign, he signed it, and he left. And that was it. It's pretty obvious that he's not interested in me at all. And I'm slowly getting over it. S L O W L Y. Really. I can go through summer (and surprisingly, even life) without him. I really can.

Go me! Gahh so tired so tired.


03:45 p.m.

Wednesday, June 13, 2001

now listening: Island In The Sun - Weezer
I'm a loser. Period.

I think I'll crawl under a rock and crawl into fetal position and die.


04:17 p.m.

Tuesday, June 12, 2001

now listening: Lovelorn - Dashboard Confessional. Yes it's Napster friendly.
Will someone do me a favor and just totally be random and send me an email or sign the guestbook? It's make me very happy. Strangers rule!

There really isn't anything interestig going on in my life. Really. I don't know why I'm posting anymore. These days I always ask myself that. What the hell is the point? No friends, this isn't the end of my blog, it's just...I need some life to experience ya know? Like, maybe if a meteor crash landed in my backyard and the top of the rock popped off only to reveal that it was not a meteor but a disguised Spaceship from Planet X. Then things would be interesting. But no. *looks out window* No aliens.

What's new? I'm probably going to fail my chemistry final and math test. Yay. I, uh....waved to Jeremy. Elizabeth told me that I wave to people like a nerd, and now she's made me self conscious about my waving. Gahhhh. But he's seen the even nerdier side to me, so it doesn't matter. He's leaving and he'll be gone. Out of my life.



09:57 p.m.

Monday, June 11, 2001

now listening: It Ain't Over Til It's Over - Lenny Kravitz. I heard this song and I really liked it, but I didn't know the name and I didn't know who did this song til I saw the commercial for Lenny Kravitz's greatest hits album. I know I know, this song is SO old, but it's still appealing to me

Well the worst is almost half over. All that stuff I was freaking out about? I eventually finished it, and now I just got to worry about my english project, my chem,english, math finals, and my monologue. That's all. THAT'S ALL. School is almost over.

Oh and that whole, I'm-going-to-rot-in-hell-because-I-lost-mom's-cell-phone ordeal? Resolved. Without too much freaking out, spilled guts and rolling heads. We went down to Verizon to cut the service off on the lost phone, and upgraded to a new one. We ended up spending 80 bucks which ain't that bad, plus we needed a new phone anyways. I'm not sure if we're going to get another one for me...but hey I still have the one that I share with my dad. Such a relief.

I was nominated for BEST ACTRESS for our Drama Dept.'s "Oscar's". I was nominated for Best Actress in Savage/Love. Har har har. I don't deserve that nomination though. It was all Danielle's doing. I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to win. I mean come on, ya got all these wonderful people from the Music Man... and then me. Usually when it comes to Academy Awards, the underdog never wins. I don't care anyways. It'd be just another excuse to see Jeremy again. (who happens to be part of drama club that is sponsoring this). I guess I'm slowly getting over him. I used to lament over the fact that school was almost over and that I'd never see him again, but now I'm kinda wanting school to over, regardless of what I feel about him.

Would you call that progress? I think so.



09:34 p.m.

Saturday, June 9, 2001

now listening: Glory Box - Portishead
Well after today, it's pretty evident that I'm pretty much the smartest genius out there. Why do I say so? Well, to keep things short...I pretty much LOST MY MOM'S CELL PHONE. I have no clue how it disappeared from my hands from point A to B. I lost it somewhere in between. On the bright side,(yes there is a bright side) I could've left it in Elizabeth's car. I'm praying that's what I did. Praying my hardest. And the fact that I'm still all in one piece is assuring. My parents didn't freak out at all. It could be, because Melisa was with me the whole entire time and they wanted to fulfil the perfect American Family Dream and not make a scene in front of her. So just her being there, saved my butt. But still. They didn't freak out when she left me. I would've expected my father and mother to begin packing my bags for the some State Correctional Institute for Wayward Teens, but no. They shrugged it off by saying, "Oh, just call Elizabeth tomorrow morning and we'll see what happens." It's scary because I'm feeling incomplete because they DIDN'T YELL AT ME. God. This is odd. I'm feeling weird because no one yelled at me. Now doesn't that say something about my parents? I don't understand the lack of punishment. But I guess I should just shut up and be glad now, right? Things could be worse. I mean, there are at least a billion cell phone users out there, someone's bound to have lost there's out of the billion cell phone users. More likely, more than just one person. WHY AM I FREAKING OUT?

And ironically, I've been persuading my mom to get me my OWN cell phone. The chances of that happening now are slim to none. Geezus. My "List of Things I'm Kicking Myself In The Ass For" grows bigger and bigger each day!

Could it be, I'm freaking out because I have close to nothing done with all the projects due on Monday? Could be. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!



11:18 p.m.

Friday, June 8, 2001

now listening: Like A Feather - Nikka Costa

There are just somethings I can't fathom. Things that I can't put my finger on because, I don't understand it. Things that make you say, "WHAT THE FLYING FAJEEZY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Things like the chemistry between opposite sexes.

The Japanese Exchange Student at my school, has a BOYFRIEND. I don't. English isn't her first or best language. English is mine. She's from Japan. I'm from HERE. She's on a completely opposite rung of the social ladder compared to her boyfriend. I'm hanging on the same rung of the social ladder. And old folks say there's someone for everyone. Me, spiteful? I think not.

I just don't get it. It's just WRONG. What else is wrong? Pretty girls with ugly boyfriends, or hot guys with pretty girlfriends. WRONG. The more and more I see couples walking around like this, the more and more my future as a bitter chain smoking waitress looks brighter.

Ok. I guess I'm going to spend a great summer night at some big party and get high and drink. Ha! No. I'm going to spend tonight...with my History, Spanish, and English projects. *sob*


07:28 p.m.

Thursday, June 7, 2001

now listening: A Long Walk - Jill Scott. "Let's take a long walk/Around the park/After dark/Find a spot for us to spark conversation/Verbal Elation/Stimulation/Share our situation, temptation, education,relaxation,/Elevation/Maybe we talk about Revelations 3:17"

This woman has SO much soul, it's sickening.

To Do List; Because Everyone loves lists!(in no particular order)

1.Jeremy Hall
2.Jude Law
3.Taylor Hanson
4.Put together Math Notebook
5.Work on Spanish Project due Monday.
6.Work on World Tours Project.
7. Chem homework.
8. Memorize lines for Small Scene and Monologue
9. Work on History Project due Monday.
10. Hamper money out of people by selling Car Wash tickets for basketball.
11.Finish The Bell Jar

Because I'm such a teenager with the attention span of a gold fish and so easily distracted by the outside world, this is all I've gotten done. Oh woe is me!

My life is SO boring right now. It doesn't make any difference if summer started, because it'd be more stultifying than before. Someone needs to take me away somewhere. Either that or I need to go on a vacation. *sigh* Or you can make me happy by being random person that sends happy random email or random IM messages.


09:42 p.m.

Wednesday, June 6, 2001

now listening: Paper Bag - Fiona Apple

To Do List; Because Everyone loves lists!(in no particular order)

1.Jeremy Hall
2.Jude Law
3.Taylor Hanson
4.Put together Math Notebook
5.Work on Spanish Project due Monday.
6.Work on World Tours Project.
7. Chem homework.
8. Memorize lines for Small Scene and Monologue
9. Work on History Project due Monday.
10. Hamper money out of people by selling Car Wash tickets for basketball.
11.Finish The Bell Jar

Gaahhhh, too much to do, NO MOTIVATION! It's pretty sickening. God how I wish summer were here. Even then, I still have work to do with AP English the following year. I just need someone to take me away from here, forget about it all. I want to go to Italy. All this research on Italy is inspiring me to go there. I can't wait til I get to go on my cruise of Baja. We'll be going to Ensenada, Puerto Vallarta, and if we're lucky Cancun. The cruiseline is called CARNIVAL ECSTASY. Can you just imagine a big ass luxury ship with the words plastered "CARNIVAL ECSTASY" on it? Har har har. It's a psychedellic boat. Man I need to go on that cruise NOW. I need a vacation!

07:58 p.m.

Tuesday, June 5, 2001

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now listening: Somebody's Baby - Phantom Planet

Today we had this local band mainly composed of Orange High Alumni perform at lunch. It was the first time in a long time that we had a decent local band play. Their music styling varied between emo or just plain out pop rock. It was really great to hear some positive music. I haven't heard a lot of it in a long time, actually. They called themselves Timothy, and I believe they were supposed to be Christian, which makes things all the better. I watched them play with my friends Navi and Jessica, which within 2 seconds time, seemed to have identified, their "Favorite One". So, being the good friend I was, I encouraged them to go talk to this boy, and they did.

me: So Jess, did you ever get to find out the name of the band that played at lunch?
Jess: ah...Jimothy. Jiiimmmoootttttthhhhhhhyyyyyyyy
me: Jimothy. Jimothy? Huh? That's a weird name.
Jess: Er, uh...Timothy is the name of the band. *blushes* Jimmy is the name of the cute guy.
me: right. right.....

She's so cute. I'm pretty sure I would've said the same thing. But alas, there really I'm getting a bit jaded by this current crush of mine. Yet I'm still obsessed. *wink wink nudge nudge* Tweety knows exactly what I'm saying.

Ok. Well I hate my Dad. He's so weird. He gets paranoid over everything. If I don't lock a door in the house, he thinks that our house will be burglarized or something. Or if I have friends that are guys visit me, he thinks he'll bring me to the mountains and kill me. Or If I burn candles or incense, he believes I'm doing drugs. I just don't understand him that way and it bothers me. And the newest paranormal revelation; Last year's school yearbook looks messy and disorganized to him, therefore my education is bad. The yearbook is perfectly fine. And he yells at me because the yearbook doesn't look right to him. God. My dad is so STUPID. If all fathers came with instruction manuals....

I'm off to work on History!


09:10 p.m.

Monday, June 4, 2001

now listening: Dial Revenge - Mogwai. Downloadable on Napster! Yay!

I don't understand what's so appealing about gameshows like "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" or "Weakest Link". I mean it's basically your average game show, but with lots of Gs involved. Sure it's suspenseful to watch and anticipate the outcome of the contestant's game...but it gets old quickly. Especially the "Weakest Link" lady. Her attitude in general is dying out. It's boring. Yet my family still gathers around the TV like it was some sort of Evening ritual.

I'm going to be in a music video and a commercial! Yay! I only got the opportunity because it's being shot at my school. I'm basically going to be an extra with my friends and we get to act stupid and get free food. That's all I actually care about. FREE FOOD!The music video is for this local band Corday. Miss Corday is a substitute for my school, and she's the coolest teacher around, for a sub. Pieces of the music video will be editted into a "Partnership For A Drug Free America" commercial that will be shown this summer.

If there's one thing I hate, it's deadlines. Today I was notified that I had to write a "Featured Artist" article for The deadline is on the 15th, the week in which most deadlines for me are occuring. Oh the horror. I think I'll be painfully busy this week trying to get projects together and what not. Right now I'm debating on whether I should do Weezer or Mogwai for featured artist. Decisions, decisions. It will hit me I guess. It better hit me soon though. Time is a runnin' out!

Ok I shall return to what I was supposed to be doing originally....

09:33 p.m.

Sunday, June 3, 2001

now listening: At Last - Ella Fitzgerald

Well...I attempted changing things around here. "Attempted" is the key word. I plan on adding more poetry I've written and my "Inanimate Object Autobio" project. I wrote about the tea leaf from the Boston Tea Party for History. My friend is doing the Stain On Monica's Dress. It should be pretty interesting.

So far I got my Chemistry work done. I've finished translations for Spanish, and a portion of my History work. I still need to work on my English project. I'm almost done with the Bell Jar book. I'm getting there.

I really need a pick me up. It's so boring here. I'm so bored, and there's nothing I feel like doing. Today is one of those BLAH days. I have them very often though.Would someone brighten my day up with something random? Like email, IM messages, phone calls, gifts... I love RANDOM THINGS!

04:11 p.m.

Saturday, June 2, 2001

now listening: Close To Me - The Get Up Kids

I hate even more. I tried updating the webcam page, and now NOTHING will show up on it. For reasons unknown. I did everything ok. Really. It feels naked now, so I guess I'll just have to link to the images (if lets me). Wait. Just kidding. IT WON'T LET ME. Goddamn it. I'm indolent. I don't feel like fixing it right now. ANYTHING for that matter. You're just going to have to wait for prom pictures. If you really want to see them, IM me JelloShotJunkie. I'll fix all the shit later.

Ok I guess I oughta go excercise.

05:57 p.m.

Friday, June 1, 2001

now listening: What It Feels Like - Madonna. Such a beautiful song. So true. All the women of the world say "HEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY". No really. Although I'm more partial to old school Madonna, this song is beautiful. Napster translation for those of you who are holding on to Napster for dear life: what it feels like...1 - mmaaddoonnaa

Goddamn I had some webcam pictures to update too. One of these days, I'll have the enough money to fork over to buy my own domain. Then I could be hip and cool and unashamed. Isn't that pitiful? Something like your own domain would boost self esteem! I just don't favour the idea that something materialistic would bring joy. We're all shallow people whether you like it or not. Unless you're Jesus. Most likely, Tweety would have to share it with me becaus she rocks my socks. By then I should be familiar with all the crap that goes behind sites a long with all the other foreign technical terms. But I'm lazy. Story of my life.

Tomorrow I take the SATs yet again. Wish me luck, and pray that there are job openings to be a waitress at Denny's should I be looked down upon by every college in California...or the United States. Or I could always be a bartender. But I break things. Nahh. After the tests I'll try to be productive. TRY to be. I have to work on a Spanish,English, and History Project. Along with Chem and math homework. Oh and I have to memorize a monologue and my lines for a small scene for drama. OOoh and I have to improve my game for basketball. Geezus. So much to do, no MOTIVATION.

Sigh sigh sigh. I now know that I'm not the only one who's lusting over Jeremy Hall. But it doesn't matter cuz she and I both know we won't get him. This girl Amy Contreras. I met her last week while working the spotlights. I've seen her around before, but I finally got to meet her. She's a really cool chick. I don't mind sharing a crush with her. She let me in on the girls that he likes. Amy: " We're just gonna have to kill Vanessa,Stephanie, you ---" Me:" Ehh, go ahead, put an end to my misery---" Amy: We could just kill each other!!! But seriously, let's kill Vanessa and Stephanie first! She makes me laugh. Such a nice person. I'm forever meeting new nice people at my school.

While on the subject of Jeremy. I got some interaction today. He said Hi when I was in chemistry while passing by the room...and when I left the room, he said Hi, what's up, and he hugged me. HE TOUCHED ME! Yay! And my dear friend Elizabeth, out of the kindness of her heart, she hung out with me around the general area of Jeremy's ground. Something Danielle would never do in a million years because she's so anti-social. And even the more sweeter, she told me she gets psyched about how I crush on him, and she feels happy everytime I update her on my situation with happy news. It's just the cutest thing. SHe actually cares about the health of my lovelife(or lack thereof). Everyone needs friends like her. God bless Elizabeth.

08:37 p.m.

Thursday, May 31, 2001

now listening: Not the Average Girl From Your Video - India.Arie

So it goes, today was just another normal, boring day. Normal. Boring. I can remember that about this time last week, I would still probably be at the theater sitting up in the spotlight booth shining my light.....on...well you know how the rest goes. I guess the only highlights of my day would have to be watching him from inside the gym make fun of all the dance team members by mimicking their moves and going down to Korea Town in Garbage Grove to eat.

And now, I know why Korean people have flawless skin and why they're always so damn skinny. THEY OVER PRICE EVERYTHING AND THEY EAT REALLY SMALL PROPORTIONS. Six effin' dollars for a spoon of rice and a piece of chicken. And sauce. That costing 6 bucks should be a crime, but hey they're all skinny people so...maybe it helps.

Ok, time for JUST JACK!

08:58 p.m.

Wednesday, May 30, 2001

now listening: The World Has Turned - Weezer. Remember, download it under "Weez" on Napster. Damn I'm so Napster savvy!

It's beyond me how fast time goes by. Even when you're having fun or not. It just seems to pass. It's almost like air, it's something you live on. Some might not think so, but we all have a certain amount of time on Earth til we die. The world would be so different without time. I just can't even begin to think about it. I just hate how it passes by so fast when you don't want it to, and it goes so slow when you want it to go fast. There's no control over time. I just got to thinking about this while in basketball practice today. In practice I had realized that we're starting all new with the spring/summer season, which means summer is really really close and after summer I would be a senior, and so on and so on and things would keep advancing fast.

The things I could do if I could control time...

Wow I'm so famous, I'm on Tweety's page. Maybe there is hope that I shall be a single named pop star.

I have prom pictures, but I'll put them up later. I'm lazy. Story of my life.

09:21 p.m.

Tuesday, May 29, 2001

now listening to: Baseball - Ozma. Good band. I "discovered" them. I'm so proud of myself!

Looking at my page, there's still a lot of holes and missing links to fill in. But somehow, it suffices as a decent one. Really. I'm just lazy to fix whatever I gotta. Story of my life. I did update the webcam image.

Today marks normalcy. Meaning I no longer have to go through long hours of play rehearsal, and what not. But I miss it. How do I miss it? Let this be evidence; Total Times I saw Jeremy today: 2. Just Hi, Hello. That's all. I really don't understand that when I like someone, I get it bad. It's kinda scary. Maybe I'll end up like Alicia Silverstone from "The Crush", I just haven't found that one person to stalk insanely. I fear for myself, do you? I caught myself showing off the bruise that I got from a little accident between Jeremy and I. But anyways, I'm getting sick of myself talking about him.

I didn't make it on to ASB. It's ok, it wasn't like the most important thing to accomplish on my "List of things I'll Probably Fail At". I guess I just took it as icing on the cake. If I didn't make it, it's ok, because I just got interviewed for the hell of it. I really think the school politics is corrupt though. I gave a really kick ass interview and I was so sure of myself, but they gave the job to someone who lost an election. Oh well. With karma on my side,it'll probably balance out. Like instead of getting on ASB, I'll probably be Prom Queen next year. Haha. Sure. Let that be another thing to add on to my "List of Things I'll Probably Fail At". Ahh to have dreams.

On the subject of dreams, I'm pretty much a zombie. I can't even remember the dreams that I have. I never really have much to talk about on regards to dreams. Daydreams, yes. But when it comes to dreams at night, no. Sometimes it makes me feel less of a human because I can't remember the dreams that I have. I know I have them, I just can't remember them. I'll go to sleep, and wake up, without any dreams to remember or discuss with people. What's wrong with me?

08:44 p.m.

Monday, May 28, 2001

Because I'm ever so kind, I thought I'd share with you my latest digs. The things I think are "hip" for now. All in hopes that my influences shall reach the furthest corners of the Earth to make it a more happier,tolerable place.

Music: Island In The Sun - Weezer, O'Girlfriend - Weezer, Hashpipe - Weezer....basically the whole Green Album, Baseball - Ozma , Rocks - Ozma, Breathing - Lifehouse, My Happiness - Powderfinger, Already Gone - Powderfinger

Literature: The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath, Backroads - Tawni O'Dell, various Jack Kerouac and e.e. cummings poems

TV: Will and Grace, SNL, Friends, like always

Food: No. 5 Combo from Rubios. Fish burrito,fish taco, chips,and beans! oh and brownies

color: sea foam green

people: Tweety | Ann | Annie | Aly

Site: Angry Little Asian

08:50 p.m.

Monday, May 28, 2001

now listening: Hashpipe - Weezer. You can find in Napster under Weez. Ha!

Happy Memorial Day. In all honesty, no one really observes today as a special day to recognize memorials. "Duh Jinra, we could've told you that." Memorial Day is just another excuse to have a day off. If it weren't for the need for Corporate America to be productive and make money, we'd probably have days off every other day. But alas, I'm grateful. I took the advantage of making today Laundry Day. Whoopy. I cleaned the house, did the laundry, and now I'm starting on homework. God, I'm so productive, it's scary.

I'll be lazy by tomorrow, I promise you. But anywhoo, out of boredom, I wrote another essay. It's under the written section. I'm too lazy to link to it here. And maybe, just maybe, I'll change the webcam image.

Ok, barbecued chicken calls me.

03:59 p.m.

Sunday, May 27, 2001

I'm bored. I've already posted here 1684684681658468461651651651 times today. Will someone take me away? Away from the brownies. Goddamn gluttony.

Tweety, you complete me.

11:51 p.m.

Sunday, May 27, 2001

now listening: More Than That - Crackstreet boys. I never thought I'd bring myself down so low. First it started with "Ooh damn this Mandy Moore song, it's too damn catchy. I hate it. No. I like it. No. I hate it. No I like it. No. I HATE IT. NO. I LIKE IT!" DAMN ALL SAPPY PATHETIC LOVE SONGS TO HELL. Damn them all.

Please either donate a puppy to me, or find me a man. *sob*. No wait, I just need a puppy. No. I need a man. No. I need a puppy. I don't know what I want. Ambivalence shall be the downfall of me. *Note to self: Remember to include that in the Made For TV Movie or the Ambivalence Chapter in my Best selling Auto Bio.

All of today's plans were just a waste. A waste of my own energy of having to debate over them because of what my parents would say....well turns out they didn't care what I did today...but still. My plans got fucked up. So alas, here I am wasting away. I could be at a bonfire where Jeremy is, but no. I'm here. Or I could go to Sandra's (the house behind mine) and watch Miss Congeniality or Little Nicky and eat brownies.

I'll eat brownies. GODDAMN. Gluttony is such a guilty pleasure. I just lost 5lbs, and now I'm going to gain them all back. *sobs*

Please make me happy. Sign the book or send me an email.

09:33 p.m.

Sunday, May 27, 2001

now listening: The Day You Come - Powderfinger.

Will someone please sign my guestbook? It will bring me much joy if you could. Or maybe a random email! I love random email! Do it!

Not only can you send secret love letters to people on the internet, now you can send VOODOO CURSES! I've been cursed!

10:54 a.m.

Sunday, May 27, 2001

now listening: Bathwater - No Doubt. I just heard this song today and paid extra attention to the lyrics. They've always stood out to me, but now they are of significant importance pertaining to this obsession of mine over Jeremy. It just speaks so true. I love songs like that.

Well that was it. Tonight was the last night for the play. It's over. All so quickly. I remembered having to bitch about how I devoted so much time to it because of Jeremy. But now, if I could take it all back and turn back time, I would do it again. Just to see him. His presence. And now I'm just going to have to let go of that hope soon because it won't happen and he'll just graduate and move on and forget about me anyways. It's not as easy as it sounds.

I really hate how I left early with Anthony without saying good bye to Jeremy or staying a little while just to talk to him. But then I think, "What for?It's not like he's going to want me then."

Le Sigh.

What a night.

I'm debating. To go out to the movies and the bon fire party, or to not go to the movies and be a good girl and do all my homework and THEN go to the party. I know my parents would say something negative about me going to both the movies and the bon fire because they're Asian like that. If only I had money and a car. Grrr. What should I do?

12:08 a.m.

Friday, May 25, 2001

now listening: Somebody's Baby - Phantom Planet. I need to be somebody's baby.

"There is no guarantee in life." - My Mom. She just said that right now in response to my father talking about the importance of finding a job or a career that is "sell-able". When he says that, he means that maybe I should be a Doctor,Nurse,Lawyer,or Bio Chemist. I'm constantly reminded of the contempt he feels when I tell him that I don't want to do that. He fears that I'll just be another bum. He's always talking about colleges and related careers. It drives me nuts. And hopefully with my mom telling him that there is no guarantee in life, it will open up his eyes more so that way he accepts my plans for my future. It always seems as if he's trying to live a successful life, one unlike the one he has now through me vicariously. Why do people have to dwell on things like that? Through me, of all people.

I'm back. I've been running around like a busy bee for the school play. But it's making me happy that I get to see Jeremy and that I get to talk to him every now and then. He makes me happy. When he speaks to me I feel like a giddy leetle school girl. What a great feeling it is! Le sigh. I want to marry him and have all his children.

Tomorrow I'll be running around like crazy. I'll be working on a group project for English, and then it's on to volunteering at the Food Distriubtion Center...and that's not all. I have the play to work. Jeremy....*swoon*


10:47 p.m.

Wednesday, May 23, 2001

now listening: Swiss Army Romance - Dashboard Confessional

Ya know what, maybe people just don't respond well to letters. Par example, my situation with Jeremy and the easter gram note. And another example, Jeremy's note and Jen. Not Jeremy Jeremy, but Jeremy, cool Jeremy.Ya know, Jeremy who I probably talk to more than Jeremy that I'm obsessed with. Confused? haha. Note to Jeremy: I feel for you man. Jen is a slut. A skank. A whore. A tease. muahahah! Hostile aren't we?

Nothing interesting at all. Just long, and hot. Especially cooped up in a spotlight booth. While waiting up there and shining light on people, I just realized. I'm not really in love with Jeremy. Just the way he is on stage. Well I don't know. I don't know in very well in person...well I don't know. DAMN AMBIVALENCE.

Thus concludes another boring day. Hopefully tomorrow will be even better. Maybe I'll actually speak to him.

08:04 p.m.

Tuesday, May 22, 2001

"If life was to release itís gates of knowledge to be indulged and relished by all in one mere fleeting moment, what would they call it? All her life Esther felt as though all of lifeís meanings and secrecy was hidden deep within the hollow shafts of her being. Perhaps it would be called an Esther. Life was one strange lurid tale of sex, debauchery and violence for Esther. Or so she made it out to be. One could say she was confused on what was lurid and what was known as completely safe, even prudish. Nevertheless, she was the complete embodied idea of what life was in some phantasmal sense known as Esther. Simply egotistical. Yet this did not matter to her. She was already a self-proclaimed "not typical" teenage girl in all itís conventional entirety. Her "special" abilities and trademark idiosyncrasies that supposedly set her so far apart from the "normal" world were strangely familiar. She claimed herself to be a slave to her handicap of peculiar senses and behavior. Ironically, others suffered from her same ailments, so it can be supposed that it must be apart of some strain of infectious chronic wallowing. Perhaps Esther was dare we say normal. But then again, did anyone else contain all of lifeís trials and tribulations within them? Exactly. Thatís what Esther thought. " - "Esther" by Tweety. You like ? There's more where THAT came from.

10:51 p.m.

Tuesday, May 22, 2001

now listening: The First Taste - Fiona Apple

I find myself asking this question; Why do I do the things I do for Jeremy? For example, ever since I took the spot light girl job for the school play, I've been working like a dog. Not busy work at all. Tedious, soporific(sp?) work. During off time, I sit there on my high platform with the spotlight, and just ask myself, Why do I sit behind this hot smoking thing for 9 hours of rehearsal? NINE HOURS. I wait behind that spotlight and light people. And it's not pretty. It gets pretty hot with the lights on, and it practically DEHYDRATES ME. Although it never makes any sense, the things I do...until I see him. Then it all makes sense.

But it's all so ludicrous. Especially if you actually KNOW ME. I've never gone as far as to sacrifice my free time for a volunteer job as crew member for the school play, just so I can SEE him. Never brought myself to do that.

But I know it's just some petty ephemeral, transitory pathetic crush. It'll only last for a nanosecond out of my life. And also, the chances of me and him are pretty slim. SLIM.

I'm so tired. Work makes me tired. Tests make me tired. He makes me tired. I can't even think straight.

Hopefully I rock socks for my ASB interview. And his socks when I do the spotlight for opening night of the play. Ha!

10:38 p.m.

Monday, May 21, 2001

now listening: Pink Triangle - Weezer. I heart Weezer

Today has been one of the longest days ever. I just got back from rehearsal for the school play. I was there from 2:45pm to 7pm. Just sitting there handling spotlights. Such an easy lowly task for me to do. Sometimes it's so easy, I often wonder why I waste my time there. But then I see his face and remember. The things I do.

But I spoke to him, right before I left. Nothing interesting or pivotal in the Love History of Jinra. Nothing ground breaking at all. Just small talk. Small. But I admire how he came over to say Hi to me. Sigh... Can't you remember how I felt about him yesterday with all the ambivalence? Read that, and I'm pretty sure you'd want to smack me. I don't get me. I don't understand the way I felt two days ago, compared to this "I'm Happily Floating On A Cloud" feeling right now. I'm SUCH a girl. Feelings changing all the time, feelings mixed up, over analyzing every damn thing he says....God I hate it. Why can't I be more simple?

My hair was different today, check the cam to see. I might have it a new image up.

Ok I have another long long sitting behind the spotlight day to look forward to.

08:35 p.m.

Sunday, May 20, 2001

now listening: Breathing - Lifehouse. I heart Lifehouse. You shall all single-handedly become Lifehouse fans.

My teeth hurt. For no apparent reason. I want to reach into my mouth and massage my gums, but all I can do is rub the side of my face. I hate wisdom teeth. I really do. They serve no purpose. I don't understand how God made us with useless organs and bones. Like the tail bone. What the hell is it for? You don't see people walking around with stubs as tails do ya? Or the apendix. The most USELESS organ in the human body. It just ruptures if you're unfortunate, and then you gotta submit to HMO/Health Plan hell to pay for the surgery to get the stupid thing out. Luckily, I still have my apendix. Something I don't have, are my tonsils. They never served me any good. They made me sick as a child, so they had to be taken out. I can now open my mouth only to reveal a bare throat in pride. "HA! I don't have two ugly dangling organs in the back of my throat!" And wisdom teeth. Really suck. No one gets wisdom from them, so why call it that anyways? I guess useless futile organs only make for good conversation.

I can't believe I wrote a whole paragraph on useless organs.

Ambivalence still prevails in the mind of Jinra. Not just my mind, just that portion of my mind dedicated to Jeremy. I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know. Ambivalence sucks. This is how I think; "Wow, I get to see him most of this week because I'm spot light girl for the school play! *this is when the other mixed feeling comes in* Dammit. I have to deal with him for the school play. I'm in love with him. I hate him. I'm in love with him. I hate him. I'm in love with him. I hate him...." Turning over and over and over in my head. God please stop it.

I'm going to "try" and do as much work as I can for school, so that way I won't be so busy with it with the school play and all.

06:39 p.m.

Saturday, May 19, 2001

now listening: Just Watch The Fireworks - Jimmy Eat World

I think this picture pretty much sums up Prom and the Day After.

Yeah. So I went to Prom. Yay.

It was yet another experience to write down in the script for the made-for-tv-movie starring yours truly. Just another experience. I had fun with friends, it was great. I mean there were your usual Formal dance things, like Karaoke, dancing, casino games, the whole nine. And it was fun. But it would've been better WITH a date. But nonetheless, it was girls night out for me.

And so it goes, Jeremy was crowned king.A darkhorse canidate in the words of Mr.Prelesnik, my History teacher. Someone you'd least expect to win. I didn't expect it. I saw him around at Prom. I didn't say anything, he didn't see me either. He was happy. I didn't want to bother him. I really don't know what to think of him. That portion of my brain that focuses on him, is just a jumble of mixed thoughts and feelings. Ambivalence. AMBIVALENCE. I don't know what to feel. According to my closest friends, I appeared to have been bothered by him during the whole time. Which isn't true. Just partially. And in a way, I'm glad that I wasn't his date, because everytime I saw her, she seemed to be looking for SOMEONE. I don't know who. Maybe him, but who knows. Ambivalence.

I must tend to the various menial tasks I've set aside for today! Wooohoo!

03:38 p.m.

Friday, May 18, 2001

now listening: In My Pocket - Mandy Moore. Yes. Mandy Moore. Not Lifehouse, not Jimmy Eat World, not Phantom Planet, not Saves the Day, not Dashboard Confessional, but MANDY MOORE. Goddamn CATCHY songs. Might as well, Prom is in a couple hours.

So here I am, I'm all showered and fresh. Now I gotta go to Sandra's house were adolescent young girls anticipate my arrival so that they may exploit my hair through all the hair styling tools known to man. The big barrel, the small barrel, the teeny barrel, the double barrel. We're not talking about guns here. We're talking about something FAR MORE dangerous. CURLING IRONS! But it's all in good fun. Prom prepping is fun. I've forgotten the despair and grief that I felt today after hearing that Mr. Perfect isn't so perfect after all.

IT'S ALL ABOUT ME TONIGHT BABY! Who cares about Jeremy! I'm having fun with my girls!

Here comes the pivotal-ground breaking-enlightening revelation-motivational-inspiring paragragh...

Dear Tweety..... hahahahaha. There. My paragraph.

Ok the girlies want to do my hair now!

03:47 p.m.

Thursday, May 17, 2001

now listening: Tired of Sex - Weezer. Wish I could say the same. Pfft. This is definitely not my "I'm Going To Die A Virgin" Anthem. Ha!

Meet Spotlight girl. By some miracle of god, I am now involved with the school play and the spotlight. School Play = Jeremy. I've gone a little too far you say? I think not. Luck, my friends. Luck. But still. The Queen is not satisfied. He'll be busy most of the time, as will I. And what I want is to talk to him. That's all. Just talk. The exchange of nouns, verbs,the movement of Just talk. And his time. But...sigh. It's not going to happen.

"The worst way to miss someone, is to stand next to them knowing that you can't have them." - Sylvia Plath

But who knows what'll happen. The play is next week, so now I have to work like a dog with their demanding schedule. What did I get (or Danielle) get myself into? The things I do.

I have much to do. Homework, prom...ya da ya da ya da. This is short, understand that I'm busy.

03:59 p.m.

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

Ok.So I lied. I didn't update the WebCam page because ENVY.NU IS THE ANTI-CHRIST!

04:26 p.m.

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

now listening: Revelations- Jill Scott. Soul. I like Soul. Find under Napster as " Revelations - Jill Scot".

People are so immature. Especially people on public transportation. The public school to be exact. Each day I take the bus, I hate it even more now that I have my permit. I just hate how retarded and stupid freshman and sophomores can be. Two boys even had the AUDACITY to start a fight ON THE BUS. I mean, if you're going to fight, don't do it somewhere where authority is clear in presence. But apparently authority is corrupt. The calm-don't-mess-with-me-i-used-to-be-a-park-ranger lady, said, " Please if you're going to fight, do it somewhere I can't see." SHE'S PROMOTING VIOLENCE!!!! That's SO WRONG. Evil. Thus is life on the bus.

Wow. According to my friend AzulStar21, there's actually a . AzulStar21: we found ONE guy that seemed normal, and I kept complaining that he couldn't be if he had to advertise at Hahaha. If you're desperate, and think you'll die a virgin like me, knock yourself out.

In spirit of the ASB Elections at school,I've updated the Webcam page.

03:57 p.m.

Tuesday, May 15, 2001

now listening: Nothing Feels Good - Promise Ring. That's right. Nothing feels good right now.

I just want to crawl up into fetal position and die. Under a rock. Emotional imbalances, the highs and lows shall surely be the death of me. Not just me, every girl. If emotion could be represented by a single solitary line, my line would go up and down like wave lengths. The opposite sex's line would go straight. Dead straight. The perks of being a girl. Le sigh.

But that shouldn't account for the low I'm in now. No. I'm just a dork. A nerd. A retard. I shall surely die a virgin. I knew today was going to be bad once I realized that I had forgotten my "cabbage indicator" for Chem today. The littlelest things always foreshadow my days. For example, yesterday was good because of what Anthony told me. Today, it was all about the damn Cabbage. Stupid Cabbage. Why is there such a thing, cabbage?

I'm such an inept fool.

I saw Jeremy today, we said Hey, he hugged me...but I just couldn't think of anything else to say to him. And he retreated to his corner in the computer lab, and me in my corner. My unparallel universe. I wanted so much more than just hello. And it's all my fault. Because I had no words to say. I forgot to say "what's up!". Actually I can't even remember if I did. Why is it, everytime, I always leave thinking I did or said something really stupid? Or maybe it's because I think too much. If I could take today's remote control I would REWIND. Rewind so that I would've been the way around him the way I wanted to. Rewind to just talk MORE.

But life doesn't come with a remote control, and I'm powerless. It can't control the fact that I'll probably be a chain smoking waitress working at Denny's that will die a virgin.

To the 2 people that actually read my blog:(ha!)I really can't apologize for this morbid, morose, lugubrious, and out right sad entry. That's life. Maybe things will look good tomorrow.

This is me getting reading to position myself under a rock. Goodbye.

04:20 p.m.

Monday, May 14, 2001

Not that you care or anything, but I've updated the webcam page.

04:30 p.m.

Monday, May 14, 2001

now listening: The Good Fight - Dashboard Confessional. I heart that band.

If I was mayor,governor,ambassador,president,empress,queen, etc etc I would declare each day, "Pajama Day". The hassle of getting dressed would just be abolished forever. Alls you gotta do is just wake up. Today was pajama day. I can't see how a lot of people wouldn't take an advantage of it.

Today has been a good day, and I don't know where to start. Well maybe I do, and it's probably not thought provoking or pivotal in the history of man, but dammit I'm HAPPY.

I probably no longer have to wear so much make up. Anthony went out to lunch with the Jeremy and while on the way back to school, he brought me up. Just random. Out of the blue. He said, "Jinra looks prettier when she doesn't wear so much make up." SWEET MOTHER OF GOD. He thinks I'm.......pp pp pprre tttty yyy PRETTY. Hmmm what shall I do away with tomorrow? Eye liner? Mascara? Eye shadow? Too many decisions. Haha Tweety, we'll play a guessing game to see what I got rid of. Hahaha. GOd I'm so pathetic. And to top things off, he popped his head in my class window for zero period and said Hi and did a weird dance. I'm thinking this is all Anthony's doing. God bless Anthony. If only Anthony could see that I'm professing my undying love and affection for the little things he does for me!

Man, aren't I retarded? Just those tiny things made me happy. And there's a possibility I get to see him tomorrow.

Geezus something great happens to me in the history of Jinra, and I FORGET every interesting thing I was going to write about on here. When I come down from my cloud, I'll let y'll know what I wanted to say.

03:53 p.m.

Sunday, May 13, 2001

now listening: Slave - Michie Mee feat. Esthero. Funky song. Me likes. I heart Esthero.

I'm watching the Shirley Temple Story. Shirley Temple or the girl who's playing it does NOT look cute. No way compared to the real girl. Next I shall watch the Marilyn Monroe story. I guess TV wants ratings by showing the life stories of people you wish you were. One of these days, my life will be one long epic saga made for tv movie. Just you watch. "Jinra Ilustrisimo: The Rise and Downfall of Jinra".

Man. There really isn't not much to talk about. Only that I found this kick ass site, Angry Little Asian It's my life story man. I love it. And that I'm going to wear my piggy PJs tomorrow! Yay!

That's all dammit. That's all. I've run out of things to say. DAMMIT.

08:23 p.m.

Saturday, May 12, 2001

now listening: Banned From The Back Porch - Saves The Day.

I tried archiving my shit on here, but I guess I effed up.I never read directions. That could be why. But anywhoo...

I actually did all that I said I would today. Amazing, isn't it? I lived like a Princess. Worked out, had Jamba juice and a protein bar like my "diet" calls for. Then jetted off to drop my crap off at the Dry Cleaners, and then went to get my nails done. Only, I didn't get my nails done. I got my toes done, eye brows waxed, back massaged, and a facial. Frivolty is my middle name. And it was all out of the kindness of my mother's heart. I'm definitely going to take her to the movies tomorrow for Mom's day!

But it wasn't always a great thing today. My facial HURT LIKE A BITCH. I had this petite middle aged Asian woman prodding at my face with something that looked like a scalpel and she was just happily scrapping up the sides of my face, and exclaiming " OOH BIG ONE BIG ONE BIG ONE!" every now and then. It was disgusting. But yay, my face is clean. Now I have a 113516131681351351 Step skin regime to follow every night and day. It bites, but like they say, beauty is pain. Oh and I have like 1% burns from the wax on my eyebrows. At least they have shape.

I think I'll take pictures of the outcome of my day today soon. That was my day. I did everything I said I would.

08:27 p.m.